Could not resist

Could not resist writing this satire after finishing my Bible study readings this AM. Al

IThe reader will see by those extracts that the authenticity of the books of the New Testament was denied, and the books treated as tales, forgeries, and lies, at the time they were voted to be the word of God. But the interest of the church, with the assistance of the faggot, bore down the opposition, and at last suppressed all investigation. Miracles followed upon miracles, if we will believe them, and men were taught to say they believed whether they believed or not. But (by way of throwing in a thought) the French Revolution has excommunicated the church from the power of working miracles; she has not been able, with the assistance of all her saints, to work one miracle since the revolution began; and as she never stood in greater need than now, we may, without the aid of divination, conclude that all her former miracles are tricks and

No one understood the complicated workings of Nature. Word of mouth spread stories.Some men and women excelled in story telling and became the holy ones as religions of superstition evolved and finally writing was developed all over eons of human life times. The most popular of these stories found their way into the Hebrew Bible and come to all Christians through the roots springing forth the New Testament. Genesis 1:6-7 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

This understanding of the universe is also reflected in the passages below where Yahweh opens windows in Heaven to make it rain or closes them up to cause a drought. The Genesis passage quoted above speaks of the “waters” in Heaven. Apparently, they felt that rain was from these Heavenly waters:

Genesis 7:11-12 …the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened. And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.

1st Kings 8:35 When heaven is shut up, and there is no rain, because they have sinned against thee…

How is this idiotically explained becoming rational. Easy. God is so smart He must speak to us at our level. With Faith the Holy Spirit shows how We must change His words to fit our times. Yeah, Right! Pass the Collection Plate. I'm going to buy my way into Heaven and located on the waters above is The Holy New Jerusalem on Terra Firma.and give extra for my relatives helping them now that they died as a special indulgence to forgive my evil self for I was born in sin and you insisted no one is constantly in a state of grace despite Baptism washing away Original sin of my supposedly ancestor grandpaw Adam and grandmaw Eve. Only you remain free of sin forever. Good thing you destroyed the tree of knowledge keeping us dumb for thousands of years! And changed our language in the story of the tower of Babel so we could not understand one another because you feared we would become as smart as you and take over your kingdom by building the Tower of Babel that would stretch all the way into your Heavenly domain.I guess since we went to the moon and found no waters above and no Terra firma holding the city of New Jerusalem you must have gotten wind from your angels who survey us that we were coming without building another Skyscraper which already had you raise the dome a bit higher. You must have said to your angels , "Pack up! We must go to another Galaxy! To another planet holding another ignorant group of my creation of toys for my godly grandsons to play with. Tell them not to plant a tree of Knowledge in the next play garden. I'd like to stay a lot longer this time." Yours Facetiously, Al